Because I Care -- 3

FACTORS THAT INCREASE VULNERABILITY

There is no proto-typical victim of child sexual abuse. Any child may be victimized. However, abusers often target children with obvious vulnerabilities. A child who feels unloved and unpopular will soak up adult attention like a sponge. Children with family problems, who spend time alone and unsupervised, who lack confidence and self-esteem, and who are isolated from their peers are all likely targets.

Certain factors increase the vulnerability of children more at risk. Experts list these as being some of the key factors:

• A belief that "respect" means unquestioning obedience to authority
• Lack of appropriate sex education, either by way of vocabulary or boundaries
• Adult inability to teach children appropriate sexuality due to cultural norms and embarrassment
• Social norms giving children lower status than adults
• A child's predisposition to love unconditionally and trust implicitly
• Desire to please
• Values stressing family honour
• Disability
• Dysfunctional family
• Low self-esteem of the child
• Having few friends/ being isolated

PREPARING CHILDREN: KNOWLEDGE IS POWER

“I am filled with shame, disgust, guilt and low self-esteem. What I thought all along was affection, I realise now - after 12 years of sexual relationship with my uncle - was sexual abuse. AP, a 15 year old victim

There are no prototype sexual abusers of children. They could be anyone. Fathers, mothers, siblings, stepparents, grandparents, and other family members (uncles, aunts, cousins), neighbours, caregivers, religious leaders, teachers, coaches – in short, or anyone else who is in close contact with children. While we cannot teach children to suspect everyone around them, it is imperative to coach them on personal safety that can help prevent sexual abuse.

When preparing children, it is very important to:

Teach them to trust their feelings. Tell them it is OK to say “no” when someone they know and care about does something they do not like.

Instruct them about the difference between good touch and bad touch and that secrets about touching are not OK. Tell them that a touch that makes them uncomfortable or upset in any way must be reported at once. Children also need to understand that people they know could be capable of doing hurtful things.

Get yourself and the child comfortable discussing sexual abuse and referring to body parts by their proper names. A very important factor that keeps children from disclosing abuse is their lack of vocabulary of their private parts and therefore the resulting inability to describe acts of sexual abuse. Children are usually not taught the correct names for the private parts, and are told that "nice girls/boys" don't use those words that refer to private body parts or sexual behaviour. Debunk this.

Give the child a sense of self-esteem and confidence.

Involve your child in setting up a safety plan that is easy to remember. The plan must include a list of people the child can call for advice, information, and help.