Child sexual abuse of all forms in India is rampant. It would serve us well to remember that the Government of India
has pegged the extent of child sexual abuse in the country at a staggering 53%.
But figures, no matter how devastating, are still just numbers on
a page. They can never prepare you for the lives, life stories, faces and voices
of the people who make those statistics frighteningly real. It was this frightening reality that I came face to face with when I began research for an episode on Child Sexual Abuse for the television show Satyamev Jayate in the year 2011.
The year-long process of research, threw up very disturbing stories. Across region, class and religion, men and women shared deeply personal narratives of their sexual abuse as children and the aftermath of the abuse in their adult lives.Many times over, I
have heard people say, “This is the first time I am speaking about what
happened with me.” “Yes, this happened a long time ago, but I am still not okay.
It’s not okay.” The feelings of shame, guilt, shock, blame, betrayal went so deep that it seemed likely that many of the survivors might carry them, unresolved, to their grave.
For me, personally, the journey of research on this subject proved
to be traumatic.It was very hard to maintain that thing called professional
distance. It was impossible to remain immune; I got sucked in. Deeper and
deeper, with every unforgettable meeting.
One such meeting was with a girl in a southern India metro. She
became the target of sexual abuse when she was less than a year old. The abuser
was a trusted relative. There were many things this girl said in her interview
that pierced my heart.
For years, the myriad ways in which her abuse impacted her led her
down a path of extreme self-harm. But she fought back valiantly. Today, she
stands as an inspiration to those who are on the path of healing. She writes
amazing prose and poetry and sometimes, donning a clown’s nose, she entertains
sick children in hospitals.
After the interview (seasoned in equal measure with pain and
humour), she played the most heavenly music on her piano. On the window in her
room were gorgeous images of translucent butterflies.
Here’s what happened next. My teammate broke down in the vehicle
on the way back to the office and started speaking about his own sexual abuse
as a child. Listening to the interview had unlocked something within him. He
vowed to take steps to heal from what he described as “an unattended illness
I’ve been living with for 30 years”.
On May 13, 2012, the Satyamev Jaycee episode on Child Sexual Abuse
was aired. I believe that every single survivor who spoke up, not just on the
show but also in the research process, who shared his or her journey with
generosity and courage, has made a valuable contribution towards shaping an
understanding of the mechanics of child sexual abuse and its impact on
survivors. Lakhs of people responded to the episode; many writing in with their
own experiences of abuse. It was akin to a catharsis—an outpouring of pain like
the breaking of a dam. And not just survivors, a few perpetrators wrote in too.
I’d like to share a few of those responses here.
“Childhood is said to be the purest part of one’s life but
unfortunately I don’t have any pure memories of my childhood. I was in class 4
when my grandfather first abused me. I was shocked. I was never told about
these things so I didn’t know what was happening with me. He touched me in the
wrong places for 5 years. There were nights I couldn’t sleep as some incidents
took place when I fell asleep. I locked my room one night but the next day I
couldn’t tell my mom why I had locked it.
When I was in class 9, I had the
courage to stop him; the courage to oppose him. I always thought of telling my
parents but I was afraid that they would not believe me. I am 21 years old now
but tears roll down my cheeks when I think of that time.
Last year, my cousin who is in class 6,
told me about an incident that took place with her, which she wasn’t able to
understand. The culprit was once again my grandfather. The moment I heard her,
I decided that I wouldn’t let her suffer. I confronted my grandfather and
warned him and then I told my parents about it. Everyone asked me why I had
been quiet all these years but I had no answers. However, I really want to
thank my aunt who supported me even more than my mother.
I always feel guilty about what
happened to my cousin. If I had told my parents earlier, she wouldn’t have had
to suffer. I can never forgive him. He took my childhood away from me.”
-- Radha (name changed)
Main B.Sc. second year ka student hoon
Lucknow mein. Aaj ke pehle main sochta tha ki sirf mere saath hi child sexual
abuse hua hai par aaj pata chala ki yeh aur logon ke saath bhi hota hai. Batate
hue hichkichahat si ho rahi hai but picchle 12 saal se main yeh dard seh raha
hoon, hala ki picchle 2 saal se hum khudko bachate aa rahe hain. Mera shoshan
karne wala aur koi nahin par mera tau ka beta hai jo mujhse 10 saal bada hai.
Satyamev Jayate ka show dekhne ke baad
chaurahe pe woh ittefaq se mere saamne aaya aur poori himmat juta ke maine usko
jordar ek chaata maara. Road pe sab dekh rahe the aur usne kuch nahin bola par
I am sure ki woh samajh gaya. Aaj main uss zindagi se mukt ho gaya aur anjaam
jo hoga woh dekha jaayega. Main khush hoon ab.
-Sumedh (name changed)
I am 27-year-old and I work as a software engineer. For the past 12
years, I have questioned myself about what I did. I feel like a criminal. When
I was in class 9, some of my friends and my neighbour’s older brothers, all
betrayed me. They pushed me to sexually abuse children, whether it be a boy or
a girl. I was a teenager and I didn’t understand what exactly I was doing.
One day, I tried to abuse my neighbour’s 7-year-old daughter. He
caught me and took me to my parents. My parents scolded me, hit me and made me
promise that I would never do something like this again. But I think I was
addicted to it. I tried it (only smooching) with my cousins as well. I was
trying to kiss them and I was caught by my mother. Then I tried to commit
suicide but I failed. It was after the suicide attempt that I decided I would
never sexually abuse anyone again.
Those memories still torture me. I don’t know why I ever did those
things and why my friends and brothers forced me to. How could I get provoked
by them? I feel guilty each moment. I am very scared of discussing any of this
with my parents. I have no strength to ask for forgiveness.
-Krish
Even as I was writing this blog, another email has popped up from Change.Org -- YouTube has removed the offending videos. A victory! But the fight is far from over. Those videos have been replicated and float all over the Internet. And child sexual abuse is still a very frightening reality for very many. The strongest weapon against this menace is to speak up. Silence works in favor of the perpetrators. We must empower ourselves and our children to speak up. Let's break the silence on hold sexual abuse. Let's heal.
(Chuppi Todo, a booklet on Child Sexual Abuse that is
free to download and share: bit.ly/CSABooklet)
