Because I Care -- 3

FACTORS THAT INCREASE VULNERABILITY

There is no proto-typical victim of child sexual abuse. Any child may be victimized. However, abusers often target children with obvious vulnerabilities. A child who feels unloved and unpopular will soak up adult attention like a sponge. Children with family problems, who spend time alone and unsupervised, who lack confidence and self-esteem, and who are isolated from their peers are all likely targets.

Certain factors increase the vulnerability of children more at risk. Experts list these as being some of the key factors:

• A belief that "respect" means unquestioning obedience to authority
• Lack of appropriate sex education, either by way of vocabulary or boundaries
• Adult inability to teach children appropriate sexuality due to cultural norms and embarrassment
• Social norms giving children lower status than adults
• A child's predisposition to love unconditionally and trust implicitly
• Desire to please
• Values stressing family honour
• Disability
• Dysfunctional family
• Low self-esteem of the child
• Having few friends/ being isolated

PREPARING CHILDREN: KNOWLEDGE IS POWER

“I am filled with shame, disgust, guilt and low self-esteem. What I thought all along was affection, I realise now - after 12 years of sexual relationship with my uncle - was sexual abuse. AP, a 15 year old victim

There are no prototype sexual abusers of children. They could be anyone. Fathers, mothers, siblings, stepparents, grandparents, and other family members (uncles, aunts, cousins), neighbours, caregivers, religious leaders, teachers, coaches – in short, or anyone else who is in close contact with children. While we cannot teach children to suspect everyone around them, it is imperative to coach them on personal safety that can help prevent sexual abuse.

When preparing children, it is very important to:

Teach them to trust their feelings. Tell them it is OK to say “no” when someone they know and care about does something they do not like.

Instruct them about the difference between good touch and bad touch and that secrets about touching are not OK. Tell them that a touch that makes them uncomfortable or upset in any way must be reported at once. Children also need to understand that people they know could be capable of doing hurtful things.

Get yourself and the child comfortable discussing sexual abuse and referring to body parts by their proper names. A very important factor that keeps children from disclosing abuse is their lack of vocabulary of their private parts and therefore the resulting inability to describe acts of sexual abuse. Children are usually not taught the correct names for the private parts, and are told that "nice girls/boys" don't use those words that refer to private body parts or sexual behaviour. Debunk this.

Give the child a sense of self-esteem and confidence.

Involve your child in setting up a safety plan that is easy to remember. The plan must include a list of people the child can call for advice, information, and help.

Because I care

As part of a team creating a series of self-help books on various topics for children in the eight to twelve age group I had an experience that is imprinted in memory forever. I’d written a book on child sexual abuse by relatives – a fictional story about a little girl who had suffered sexual abuse at the hands of her maternal uncle. It was being tested with a group of twenty girls in Karnataka. The facilitator read out the story. There was pin drop silence in the room. The story concluded and suddenly on of the girls burst into tears and then another. Slowly they began to speak of their own experiences with sexual abuse and how they had been able to tell no one about it all these years. What echoed most resoundingly was the plea: “Please help us. We have no one to turn to.”

Back in Mumbai, when I shared this heart-rending experience with my college going daughter, her response was equally wrenching. “Ma,” she said, “this kind of abuse is everywhere. I have a friend who was abused regularly for four years by a caretaker. She’s so distraught I feel terrible. The abuse stopped many years ago, but she hasn’t got over it. It haunts her every day. She feels very helpless. And there are many cases like this.”

Statistics on recent sexual abuse cases against children tell a horrifying tale. A 1999 World Health Organization report stated that 1 in 10 children is sexually abused. But Lois J. Engelbrecht, a researcher working on the problems of child sexual abuse, quotes studies showing that over 50 per cent of children in India are sexually abused, a rate that is higher than in any other country. Huma Khan of the Kanpur-based Centre for the Study of Human Rights terms child sexual abuse as one of the least documented violations. But studies made across India, documented in Grace Poore's resource book The Children We Sacrifice show the wide prevalence of the problem.

A survey with 350 schoolgirls in New Delhi by Sakshi (an NGO) in 1997, showed that 63% had experienced sexual abuse by family members; 25% of the girls had either been raped, made to masturbate the perpetrator or perform oral sex. Another 1997 study on middle and upper class women from Chennai, Mumbai, Kolkata, Delhi and Goa by the NGO, RAHI revealed that 76% of respondents had been sexually abused as children, with 71% been abused either by relatives or by someone they knew and trusted.

Samvada's 1996 study on students in Bangalore stated that 47% of the respondents had been sexually abused with 62% having been raped once and 38% having been repeatedly violated.

Tulir-CPHCSA`s study in 2006,conducted among 2211 school going children in Chennai, indicates a prevalence rate of 42%. Children of all socio-economic groups were found equally vulnerable. While 48% of boys reported abuse the prevalence rate among girls was 39%.

Yes. It is a reality that sexual abuse of kids is rampant. As adults, we need to be acutely aware of the fact that any child we know is vulnerable to sexual abuse. As it is not always possible for us to ensure a child's safety, it is critical that we teach children how to protect themselves.